Pt. 3 - Beyond All Thinspace With Only Faintest Hope Of Ever Someday Landing And Dream Only Of Ever Returning To A Condition Vielle Et Belle

your sense a time gets all a little skewed out here and everywhere on earth seems so far away. they say that we's connected and globalised and that the world is all a tiny and a flat and a navigable thing, but from my seatin' advantage, if an advantage is what you could ever really call it, i think i might be leanin' toward disagreein'. an i don't aim to be ornery ce n'est pas moi no no just aim to disagree because despite the current grass is less greener on my own side a the fence - hell what grass is there at all not to mention hell what fence - i know that travelin' to a where ain't exactly the easiest thing if it ain't what's been set and what's been set up for doin' and what's been aimed for by otherns other than myself who cain't understan' why i got what's there in my head in the first damn place. how can i even attempt to convince based on memory and hope?

and then the radio switched to hummin',
-it has come to our attention that you do not fully appreciate your current situation and do not seemed pleased with the blessings you've received and believe that you are somehow deserving of something more, an extension perhaps of what you have been lucky enough to already experience... is this correct?

and i held back from puttin' my fist all the way through the million miles of electrostatic blindness it woulda took to get my point across and hard.

so i took a breathe deep and a slow talk to say,
-you've seemed to caught me at a inopportune time to say the least... i'm workin' through a few things currently just at the moment.

-it's obvious.
and then nothin'.

obvious? obvious hell ain't nothin' obvious no more. this is somethin' that even i cain't understand and i was there. was there. now i'm here. some useless other where. and they try an tell you that this is the most amazin' and intense and unreal to the point of disbelievin' once you're back again but once again i hafta disagree because i know amazin' and intense and unreal to the point of disbelievin' once i'm back again and this, this ain't nothin'. this is sittin' in a box waitin' for a rock. but that? that was a thing unexpected and hoped for all at once a thingless thing because ain't no thing cause this much trouble in a man. this was what scares a man and at the same time sustains him, this some kind a beautiful that cain't be described or explained cain't be put forth for explainin'.

but on i shot through a nothin' darkness empty and closer to a somethin' i didn't want to hit because the closer i got meant the further i was and that was a somethin' certainly less than a want.

i could see it gettin' closer and with it all future and planned for necessity and here i was approachin' and fast.

a then and all at once and all the crashless landin' slidin' like a curve approaching the infinite easin' in to be somewhere still movin' out farther and farther from the all i wanted the just such as was already so far away in so quick a time pushin' further and further a force that rips the heart right out a man's chest and then...

silence

a turn 'round. and there it was. in all its glory and magnificence. i knew i was supposed to be awed by it all but i couldn't help but thinkin' on a perhaps of a tiny little spec lost somewhere in the midst. i just set down and stared. my eyes seein' how used to be seen like beams flyin' out fast tearin' through that electrostatic blindness hopin' to catch just the smallest of a glimpse of facewise too far to be grabbed. and wonderin' what it could ever be like. and wonderin' if maybe i was in store for a little more luck. and wonderin' just how she really felt about all a this.

and i was just sat there. a man on a rock that will outlive us. thinkin' on a few moments. waitin'. wishin' i could be another where. knowin' that nothin' could ever be the same.