If You Were Here - or - I Might Be More Able To Invent A New Thing

Drinking the perfect Pisco sour and wondering: What's the worst that can happen? A broken heart? Not like i haven't lived through that before.

Meet Me Tomorrow?

Between Olympic protests, U.S. elections, (as well as elections in Zimbabwe, Nepal, et al.) and what may be the worst financial crisis since the great depression, not to mention what's going on the world of food (from celebrity chefs to famine) i'm starting to get the feeling that something bigger is going to happen, something bigger is already going on. Maybe it's just because it's the fortieth anniversary of '68, but i'm thinking 2008 is going to more consequential than we expected. 

Why am i so nervous about tomorrow? Oh. Right.

"More than one to whom adventures happen, the adventurer is one who makes them happen."

Tomorrow Meet Me or Mus Es Sein? Es Mus Sein!

I just watched the movie i made in England. Its actually good. Really good. I don't think i'd be able to do it again at least not where i am now. It's a strange thought to think that you were more of the person you wanted to be four years ago.

We've been sending emails back and forth for the last week and a half... a week and half. It seems like nothing, but maybe it's LA School time because the two or three emails i get from her on a daily basis have meant so much. I cannot believe that i've found someone who i'm almost sure will be a very dear friend in such a way. I was just looking for some casual acquaintances outside of theatre. It looks like, as usual, i got much, much more. Apparently i'm one of the lucky fucks.

Stuck Inside Of Mobile With The Memphis Blues Again

i feel more like a kid

and more like an adult

every single moment of the day.

stuck in the middle.

and to make it more confusing,

i think i might just have a crush

on a 32 year old music teacher...

ok. so i know i do.

Searching Words, Sinking Music or To The End, My Dear

Smitten sounds ridiculous. But it also sounds right. 

A dance party was just what i needed.

Indian music. Vegetable Napoleons. Rite Of Spring.

I missed a witty joke in there somewhere.

Maybe "besotted" is a better word.

It Began With The Daily Press Opening Up To Its Readers Space For "Matches"

It turns out that it didn't hurt one bit.

It actually feels pretty great.

The Laden Camel or The Imagined Catharsis That Never Comes To Those Who Need It Most

When i got home from a designer meeting tonight i went online. I went to the Reader (local free weekly paper) Matches site. I was looking up live music info at the Reader's main site a few days ago, and for those who don't know (or notice) there's a section of the page that randomly displays a picture of one of the registered users of their Matches section - a "meet me" kind of thing. I saw a girl. I signed up. It's also a bit of an experiment in meeting people and making new friends. I still haven't sent her a message - she's significantly older than i am. Probably not interested in a 24 year old. I feel like a child. Everyone tells me, "You're only 24. You've got so much time." That only makes me feel younger. Because if i were to feel any older it would require me to have accomplished much more in my life... to have accomplished anything in my life. Yeah, yeah, yeah, i've had cool experiences and i've been really lucky but after spending time on Facebook tonight and discovering people my age who have started families or have become amazing photographers or have become e.r. nurses and are saving people's lives, i don't feel like i've so much "made my mark." But that's ok. It really is. But it means i'm still really young. And maybe it's a hang-up because i look like i'm 20 or younger (which people are always cheerfully pointing out to me. Thanks!), some sort of subconscious blah blah blah fuck that. The point is: i feel like a child. It's like i told Andrea in Paris: "Being around you makes me feel like a little kid." She told me i was being ridiculous. But i did. I do. Sometimes i still think i'm that little kid sitting in his room playing with his legos, and it feels like everything i do is in some way an attempt to combat that. I went to a protest march last week and i wanted so badly for something to happen. Something drastic. A brick thrown. A window broken. So much pent up angerenergyfrustrationrage i just want to fucking scream. FUCKING SCREAM GODDAMNIT... but i don't. I won't. I want to fight, to sing, to cry, to dance, to break a bottle on a bar, to kiss a beautiful woman in the street and declare my love, and... but... i... it probably won't accomplish anything.

I got curious on Facebook. I found my nieces

a straw

*snap*

there went my fucking back

Maybe i'll send her a message - what can it hurt?

Lines To Lift For Dramatic Affect (sic (transit gloria mundi))

in a sea change

nothing is safe

 

i am this great, unstable mass of blood and foam

turn it up turn it up turn it up turn it up

turn it up turn it up turn it up turn it up

turn me on

so you found (/ gave a enough of a shit to look at) this... but can you find me anywhere else on the electronicinternetmotormachine?

First Addendum

Heidegger just called. He said i don't "fear" death, but rather i'm "anxious" when it comes to death - he swears there's a difference.

He also said i owe him fifty bucks. Somehow everyone else remembers that i paid him back at Darren's party, but because he was off his face, apparently that means it didn't happen. He kept going on and on about, "The wine in the jug, the wine in the jug." What wine? You drank it all, Martin!

First

I am afraid of death.