Fall's A Comin' / And So's The Autumn

he hit the ground runnin'. and runnin' and runnin' and runnin' 'cause after the leap he had taken there weren't nothin' else to do but and so he did. a leap all leg kick and arms all a flail fallin' and fallin' faster aproachin' a ground he was dead set on meetin' and he coulda sworn dead. but with a stop catch look quick he was there. ground. a look up. and before he coulda even known the last moments he was already legs a flyin' runnin' faster and faster across the vast nothin'ness a'fore. sand dusty flyin' him kickin' it up and flyin' fast on the two feet god gave 'em headin' towards what would most likely be another edge a cliff beggin' out for a leap over for nothin' but another fall.

it all started when he had left the homestead flyin' less fast than his current incarnation but flyin' some the same. leavin' behind him a burnt and broken land ravaged by time and all hands of man none very diff'ernt his own. born on a cold summer evenin' in the middle of which they was the first snowfall ever seen to eyes a them parts since old man lacey had been but no more 'n a sprout - and they ain't called him old man lacey for nothin'. so it only stood to reasonin' that our boy would be somethin' more than just some other a thing growin' old in those parts. so he left carryin' nothin' but a plug a tobacco, two pints a whiskey, and with a last minute thinkin' on after, the shirt on his back.

he slowed his runnin' just enough to catch sight or maybe perhaps only glimpse of what the olduns used to travel far to see. a some of a thing risin' up and out of the landscape meant to remind of the salvation of all mankind that most had long since forgot and found they didn't need in the first damn place. he sped back to speedin' but still thinkin' on a childhood all his own sanctified and hymn filled.

come home, come home,
you who are weary, come home
earnestly, tenderly, yes he is calling
calling, o sinner, come home.

he kept to runnin' knowin' that home weren't nothin' but a place to which he weren't never gonna make.

Everytime The Phone Rings It Sounds Like Thunder

come on now sleepy boy and shake to awake for you've gotten work to be done 'cause you've a place and a person for to be goin' to see.

come on now lazy bones and scratch your head right outta scratchin' for you've got more beneath than even you seem to let on.

come on now wastrel sinner and get to runnin' for happinesses not so very far out of graspin' reach.

You Will Overcome Difficult Times

there are a million others in this world that could be for both of us. but we met. on a warm summer night on a rooftop in this very city and the same. green dress and funny hair. relaxin' into one another like already lovers. and continuin' to be despite all evidences to the ord'nary.

further and further and into the furthest.

So Here's The Deal

number 1) i'm gonna be reading some of these stories / prose poems / stream-of-consciousness mini-essays on humanity as it loosely relates to my own life (very loosely - you think all this is true?) and as preparation i'm interested in how these are perceived by the people who've read them - at least all the people that aren't me. so i wanna hear any thoughts, criticisms, ideas you might have or have had as a result of these posts. which brings me to...

number 2) if you have ever read this or are reading this now, please leave at the very least a short comment, a name, a dirty word, just something to quell my curiosity over just who the hell has been digging though my drawers and just how many drawer diggers you might be.

now i said "deal" so i'll uphold my end by continuing to write. maybe even more frequently. maybe not. think you're getting the short end of the stick? tant pis - start paying me for it. i accept cash, antique musical instruments, and beer.

love love love
-m

A Razin' And A Reivin'

i had stepped outside for closin' down of a one and on to an othern when i stepped into familiar faces an after a handin' across a friendship an good relations she stepped to close,
-do you have a light?
an i new from half a instant what i knew yet unknown yet even after her short steps away with bike helmet unlock leg over and a takin' off with cigarette fire glow she was hangin' on and after short pointin' and a good evenin' to all and present hers was a face stayed with me.

and for half a walk home and sidewalk stare followin' synapse circuits into the dustiest corners i tried to remember from where and just where i mighta coulda known from where and maybe even how and of course all these things in front of a backdrop of thinkin' i had been doin' on lost loves and those not quite and pieces left in the hands of otherns we'll never know again i started to thinkin' on a good deal many other things and indeed.

you see i had spent most of the day full a thought but a aimless wandrin' sort after learnin' upon that which had somehow snuck by me in the innocence of what coulda been called youth in those days when it was still of a sort. a sort of life that i know and very well indeed that had yet to come at me like the force it would in my more recent of years. a life of love and vaguenesses and all misunderstandins and romance and choices from it all needin' to be made at the most inopportune of times - 'cause that's when they always seem to be, and don't we all know, needin' to be made. a life i usedta thought that i knew and quite well but that had surprised me in recent hours due to its humanity and frailty and all else that we all must face but so often and quite usually never get to know. i had been tryin' to formulate thoughts and beliefs about situations such as thus when it was that she came up to me,
-do you have a light?

and she asked all a curly haired and nose pierced a straight line into the unconscious that comes when you're already halfway there ignitin' all thoughts all aflame. and even then i knew that my knowin' most likely came from a stage seein' and that i should keep to quiet but there was somethin' personal in the way she inadvertently worked her way into my thinkin'. nothin' that was a thing between me and her but the somethin' that was a between me and her the very essence of a thing i had been thinkin' on all since the most of the day.

and really it was the not knowin' that got to me and into the insides that i couldn't quite correlate with conscious knowin' that led me to thinkin' that this was a chance encounter better left not to chacnce but to figurin' but she had already sped bicycle peddled into the night leavin' me with the uncertainty that carried me for a good several blocks.

and it wasn't until i had nearly caught to evenin' friends that i recognized remembered and knew that i had sat on the arm of her couch playin' party games and formin' a disallowed crush on her and the very same. an evenin' i had meant and even yes tried and attempted to enjoy myself with the company of otherns in what could be called an attempt at normalcy. a time when i was in the midst of not carin' about in the most intimate of ways though pretendin' to because i was meant to as decided by all and everyone outside myself. a time when i was recoverin' from heartache and the pain that seems to come all too often and yet not often enough in my shortest of lives. i had yes i knew seen her astage in what had been a finest moment of sorts for one i had never given too many fine moments myself. i had seen her talk an act of love and love lost and love failed. i had spoken to her over patriotic pastimes on front lawns avoidin' what i knew to be a very soon painful period in the life of another or maybe not so very much but if in fact a yes very much so a very much so due to my own and a very much myself.

and all this because i was near approached and asked,
-do you have a light?
all this that turned me to thinkin' on a life so intertwined with my own, that self same one i've known so well and so little that had furiously furrow-browed into thinkin' on my own. of loves lost. of loves betrayed. of loves let go.

and of loves lately hoped.

by the time i had made it to the insides of what i'm even just now startin' to call a home i realized that there are sometimes necessary steps for takin'. lettin' go and lettin' live are what we sometimes and must be forced to doin'. forgivin', and this is most important, ourselves when even we don't know the why and what for.

movin' on is movin' on in all its myriad of ways. and movin' on is movin' on in the ways to which we cain't so no. a lettin' go that frees up toward and most wholly to that worth embracin'.

Chin Down Gorgeous And Out

he walked in like he owned the damn place sittin' hell crashin' into it like he meant to be there ages ago and without waitin' to even be asked,
-sonofabitch.
-what's your fuckin' problem?
-what ain't.
-wanna talk about it?
-fuck no.
-you want a drink?
-don't see no reason to stop now.

i walked out to get the necessaries near to dreadin' what i knew was goin' to be another...
-and i don't need no glass, he yelled into me,
...emotional tantrum
-long as you're in my house you'll use a goddamn glass, i yelled back.

i walked back out with bottle and glass to find him drainin' what was left of my own.
-i was gonna finish that, asshole.
-i saved you the trouble.
-why're you so damned sweet.
-i's raised on candy. it's why i take my coffee simple - i'm sweet enough as it is.
-yeah yeah i heard that one before. now s'pose you tell me just what the hell is goin' on.

i dropped a needle. and he proceeded to unload upon me a moanin' older and tireder than a catholic mass.

-i climb aboard busses with a liquid fire in my gut gettin' ready to turn loose up out and every which-a-way with soulless stare out windows at couples and suits and fancy cars and hapinesses i ain't never gonna have and i know i know it ain't the wants i should be wantin' what with my constitution but it's becomin' thoughts i cain't shake nor seem to and i look back and i cain't even tell where it all went wrong 'cause i'm so far in, so deep that there ain't no gettin' out nor even a clear view a such.

i had heard this same from him long as we'd been what you might could call a couple so i looked at him with those eyes a mine he's always goin' about,
-i got an idea.
i took his hand
-and bring the bottle
and pulled his depressed dysfunctional ass off a my couch

we fought with the basement key like we always seem to be doin' but after a minute or five we got the lock to slide a satisfyin' click to the left with what always feels to me like a tiny little orgasm but i always feel foolish for thinkin' such so i said nothin'. i took his hand and pulled him in leadin' on through the darkness of cobwebs and forgotten memories to the back shelf that's seemed laid untouched since as long as my people been here which is to say a very long time indeed. and with a lighter flicker flame afire we were all at once illuminated in the glow standin' face to front with a diffrent time starin' us down and darin' to be unlocked. he shot a look,
-what the fuck is all this?
-exactly what it looks like. canned goods.
he picked up a jar labeled like so few in front of us and read,
-pickled green tomatoes. with dill. july twelve nineteen eighty one.
-i been savin' these for a special occasion.
-whose are these?
-fuck if i know.

we grabbed a few and took 'em outside just in the case they was noxious toxic explosive or maybe just a little whoa. we cracked the tomatoes first figurin' that if nothin' else it had a label givin' in to the human nature of needin' the comfort of classification. a twist. that age ago sound of metal on glass. a screwdriver. the sucking pop seal break. and there it was.
-you gonna taste it? i asked
-smells alright. why the fuck not. if i don't wake up in the morning i cannot imagine it would be a huge loss or a major loss or any sort of a loss at all.
-shut the fuck up, jackass.
he dipped a slow finger inside and brought it to lips,
-tastes alright actually.
i slipped a finger into the dark ill lit liquid darkness and had myself a taste. he pulled a piece out and held it to his face,
-here goes.
he took a bite of tomato about my own age and all a sudden started to smilin',
-let's open the rest, he said, that smile still face spread all over like i hadn't seen in so long a time.

we spent the next bit awhile openin' fightin' with age old lids laughin' bottle washin' down tastes of what coulda been figs and blackberries and who knows what a else endin' up grass layin' side by side. and after a time of silence and star speculation he managed to say,
-you really do make it hard to be hard on myself.
i looked over to him and knew that i was askin' for trouble. this some silly boy next to me on greener grass than any other side of a fence could ever dream.