Hazelnuts Sourdough Country Loaf With Ham, Cheddar, Salsa, Sour Cream, Mayonnaise,

everything i write is a written from across that lonesome ocean

of course the thought of "everything i write" is really kind of a joke considrin' you ain't never read nothin' i ever written other than a few drunk folk ramblins 'round these parts an we both know these parts ain't no more real or workin' than my own. lawdy ain't it the truth. an i ain't mean tuh scare you wid all that depression talk - i ain't goin' nowhere by my own hand. hell i cain't even get my own self outta bed let alone do nuthin' drastic like. whoa.

iss like she tol me when we was hangin' outta that window and gettin' lost in the sea crowds a people an makin' laughs 'bout hot young boys in tiny pants,
-i think i'm goin' crazy lately
i understood certainly an i tol her the same. i wanted to say it's all fallin' apart. sideways an noways an all sorts a ways an all them things i been waitin' to tell to someone an anyone willin' to listen but i kep it to myself 'cause it wudn't no time for that talk course i don' know what is a time for that talk so maybe i should'a an even right then an there. maybe i'll get me another chance. maybe not. hard to really care one way or another these days.

i need me a aventure. some kinna illyadd shit. life an' deff you know? 'cause i ain't got nuffin' leff. 'cept my shades - i ain't take them off in days. but other 'n them...

And Yes There's Something You Can Send Back To Me

listen

and now i'm all a head scratch and wonder with what and why i'm even writin' cause i know this ain't a problem for you and yours. it's just that's all is conflicted just a bit because there was a time a before of the new old city of a time when i was still ok i'll say it "in love" and now's a time clearer for understandin' a time that when "in" is more a "wanting for" or maybe "wanting for like before even if with different because the before was a so very good kind of" might be a more accurate and close to a truth that is. so there's that to deal with. and now i'm all amphetalike shakysome and yeah i know as well as you 'bout the empty not away goin' from such but i also know that the such is a thing lovely and footholdish reasonin' enough to be a reason to get outta bed in the mornin' and i most certainly refuse to believe otherwise or else. even if i have given up on it.

I'm Beginning To Hear Voices

take a look around not a damn soul not a damn soul oh no sir no. just like a woman (they sat to-gether in the park). they're abstracts.

silence, experience shows, is what terrifies people most

some people just want a good line of work, or maybe to make a difference. me, i just wanted that third thing. but i am beginning to believe i have given up on it. though i still see nothing fundamentally wrong in wanting it.

A Between Wake Up Where Am I Oh

i'll never be the type always the huh ok safe and sure, but a chance the only lost by water somewhere down and drowntown sinking swim oh i know but lawdy do i know.

From Somewhere In The Northern Caribbees

sweet sweat so good mosquito bite swell oh sure what i got (and got so good [so good (so very [yes and so])] so sweet and very so good. a cigarette smoke hangover cure grin and bear (necessities sure) it coo(l?) none (so ok, sure).

i was drivin' all again and allover town around cardinal direction less dead movin' south again down for by water livin' tour all around uptown downtown cadillacin' gas pedal whore passenger seat coffee cup where i belong to bayou saints stop and shakes dashboard six pack cruise arounds back downtown for smoke and chats with baker school sugar friends but back insides old school heart goes out in time ov love for sidewalk cracks and coffee shops miss you more you law school princess you grant fund queens outside old ale house none quite in outside seen.

this knowed'a'nothin' never been
this north lake chump never seen since when
a cockroach slug fire gone since missin' fren
...
i a up woke with start to punch in lower faces of parts forgot to realize... to realize... to... to hell with it really because what's there to do at this point without knowing not a single how or why?