Pt. 3 - Beyond All Thinspace With Only Faintest Hope Of Ever Someday Landing And Dream Only Of Ever Returning To A Condition Vielle Et Belle

your sense a time gets all a little skewed out here and everywhere on earth seems so far away. they say that we's connected and globalised and that the world is all a tiny and a flat and a navigable thing, but from my seatin' advantage, if an advantage is what you could ever really call it, i think i might be leanin' toward disagreein'. an i don't aim to be ornery ce n'est pas moi no no just aim to disagree because despite the current grass is less greener on my own side a the fence - hell what grass is there at all not to mention hell what fence - i know that travelin' to a where ain't exactly the easiest thing if it ain't what's been set and what's been set up for doin' and what's been aimed for by otherns other than myself who cain't understan' why i got what's there in my head in the first damn place. how can i even attempt to convince based on memory and hope?

and then the radio switched to hummin',
-it has come to our attention that you do not fully appreciate your current situation and do not seemed pleased with the blessings you've received and believe that you are somehow deserving of something more, an extension perhaps of what you have been lucky enough to already experience... is this correct?

and i held back from puttin' my fist all the way through the million miles of electrostatic blindness it woulda took to get my point across and hard.

so i took a breathe deep and a slow talk to say,
-you've seemed to caught me at a inopportune time to say the least... i'm workin' through a few things currently just at the moment.

-it's obvious.
and then nothin'.

obvious? obvious hell ain't nothin' obvious no more. this is somethin' that even i cain't understand and i was there. was there. now i'm here. some useless other where. and they try an tell you that this is the most amazin' and intense and unreal to the point of disbelievin' once you're back again but once again i hafta disagree because i know amazin' and intense and unreal to the point of disbelievin' once i'm back again and this, this ain't nothin'. this is sittin' in a box waitin' for a rock. but that? that was a thing unexpected and hoped for all at once a thingless thing because ain't no thing cause this much trouble in a man. this was what scares a man and at the same time sustains him, this some kind a beautiful that cain't be described or explained cain't be put forth for explainin'.

but on i shot through a nothin' darkness empty and closer to a somethin' i didn't want to hit because the closer i got meant the further i was and that was a somethin' certainly less than a want.

i could see it gettin' closer and with it all future and planned for necessity and here i was approachin' and fast.

a then and all at once and all the crashless landin' slidin' like a curve approaching the infinite easin' in to be somewhere still movin' out farther and farther from the all i wanted the just such as was already so far away in so quick a time pushin' further and further a force that rips the heart right out a man's chest and then...

silence

a turn 'round. and there it was. in all its glory and magnificence. i knew i was supposed to be awed by it all but i couldn't help but thinkin' on a perhaps of a tiny little spec lost somewhere in the midst. i just set down and stared. my eyes seein' how used to be seen like beams flyin' out fast tearin' through that electrostatic blindness hopin' to catch just the smallest of a glimpse of facewise too far to be grabbed. and wonderin' what it could ever be like. and wonderin' if maybe i was in store for a little more luck. and wonderin' just how she really felt about all a this.

and i was just sat there. a man on a rock that will outlive us. thinkin' on a few moments. waitin'. wishin' i could be another where. knowin' that nothin' could ever be the same.

Pt. 2 - A Someone Currently But Upon Landing Will Be More A Someone Recently Somewhere Above Clouds In Thinspace Above Everything And All

and you'll just know when they was singin' 'bout the north sea, and i said i was gettin' lonely for it was when he turned to me,
-is this all gonna make you into a tortured weepy soul fulla heartbreak and all what else what comes a with it?
i laughed it to the aways but i knew i didn't know yet couldn't know yet 'cause i walked outta there with heavy foot and hazy eye to cigarette coffee outside chirpin' airport mockin' wishin' it to be somethin' longer and somethin' more an impossibleless some of a thing that i know is not impossible just difficult just problematic just but i refuse to say improbable 'cause i ain't never been one for playin' the odds 'cause the odds ain't never been in my favor. 'course when i look at it now and i look back at the seven day weekend that was just it's seemed to been that maybe the odds are in my favor 'cept i know them ain't the odds and them ain't the breaks ('cause i'm so far from broken that it ain't even a thing) but rather that them is a sign of a thing what is signifyin' what i knowed all along,
-i'm just one a the lucky fucks.
-how's exactly your meanin'?
-i could fall into the tay and come out clean. hell i could fall in and come out covered in gold, frankincense, and myrrh.
and he seemed to take this into quick-sideration and accept it all with a shrug less chalance and was then right there i come to realize that this is a thing for self-contemplation and quiet-sideration a thing all my own a some thing for me and alone 'cause it ain't the understandable that others can understand want to understand not with fault of their own but fault of my own but without fault. i know for sure and surely.

and yet still a thing i couldn't know yet and couldn't yet know for reasons unreal yet so very just such 'cause passenger side pillows are lonely once again and for who knows how long and even longer now i can't even begin to describe.

and i can't even begin to know how to understand this.

when black and white photographs and the memory of golden green eyes sunburstin' at you in the dark is all that's left to keep grabbin' you more than facewise, well that's when you'll know that nothin' can ever be the same. you'll just know.

Pt. 1 - The Beautiful Condition

moons and stars and stahn cahld graveyards. these are the things that outlive us. by most and much more. and all's we's got is the moments. but then there's them worth havin'. and those days where in which everythin' works out to just such enough that one'd dare not say a thing nor anythin' for fear of jinxin' it up so we keep to quiet for just so. and then once all is forgot over cheap beers and open mic music and free beers from david or william or whatever his shaky walk a name might'a been it happens and happens so lovely and so much so that it takes most a whole walk home with stupid grin and string swell brain to remember that we was holdin' out for just such for just such as just happened for just such as we just got and were lucky enough to gotten because who are we to ever deserve just such nothin' and that's who and that's that but it happened a moment worth for holdin' and holdin' onto because that's all we got and that is all we got.

and when we come home to alone and to lonely passenger side pillows fakin' awake with the nighttime dreams of wantin' and think this ok and actually believe that this is ok and somewhere down on the inside know that all is ok well that's when we know and believe and think that we will be ok. that is when we will be ok. we will be ok. and that is when.

somwheres around the time a lock in the throat becomes a sound that grabs you facewise... that's when you'll know. you'll just know.

Old Mashed Potatoes

these things not me things a shaky hand twitch things a shake a hand a shake a hand a buffalobill. this ain't no party. this ain't no disco. except it is. bitch be cool. be more cool. stand. walk. be.

people don't need love. they need success of one form or another.

Gitanes Gitanes Gitanes

gypsy jazzbos was hot club de whoa, and i was all a overtaken with it all some en more les morts si sweet si bon c'etait good. drownded in the tide of flood like flood water overflowed when there she was a waltzin' 'round with bettie paige bangs and the short length style skirt (that is the style). cuffs out. hair up. take a sip and wink 'cause there's three when nones and i'll be damned ain't it my luck not that i'm complainin' ... 'cause my luck c'est si sweet si bon c'est good.

-did we wake you up, buddy?
-give me some milk or else go home.

It Is As Though Upon A Face Carved By A Savage Caricaturist

"in a strange room you must empty yourself for sleep. and before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. and when you are emptied for sleep, you are not. and when you are filled with sleep, you never were. i dont know what i am. i dont know if i am or not."

(faulkner)